IELTS essay feedback
I recently asked students to send me their essays. I wanted to read through their essays and provide individual and detailed feedback.
Reading marked IELTS essays is a game-changer for your growth. These essays aren't just texts; they're treasures of experience. You step into the shoes of successful candidates, seeing how they structure, use language, and develop ideas. It's like having a backstage pass to their success. You'll uncover your strengths, identify areas for growth, and refine your style. Each essay is a lesson – a conversation with someone who's been there. It's more than learning; it's building a connection. So dive in, explore, and discover how others conquered challenges. Embrace this journey, and watch your IELTS skills flourish.
The intention behind this was to provide more learning materials for your IELTS preparation.
Reading through other student essay's is an incredibly useful revision strategy and one I highly recommend you take up.
I have taken four essays and marked them in detail, with comments within the text, an overall review at the end and their score.
This document is to help you learn what a successful IELTS essay looks like. The different essays allow you to compare the differences between them, and what makes some more successful than others. I have provided feedback for each and scored the essays to give you an idea of how they arrived at their score. I have not changed anything in their answers at all, so spelling mistakes have been left as they are to give you an authentic view.
Student sample essay
- Name: Duyen
- Country: Vietnam
- Reason for taking IELTS: University applicant
Writing Task 2
Parents should get punishments if their children break the law. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [1]
In today’s modern society, there is a debate surrounding whether punishment should be inflicted on parents if their offspring commit a sin. In my estimation, I would argue that I disagree[2] entirely with imposing punishments on parents because of their children’s crime-committing activities.
To begin with, I deem that every youngster should take accountability for their own action.[3] Everyone has his or her own will and they play a significant part in every experience and situation; therefore, they should have some degree of responsibility for the consequences of their malpractices, not their parents.[4] Moreover, the inherent intent of any punishment is to dissuade potential criminals, and thus children, who commit affronts to the law, should be the person receiving the punishments.[5] [6]
It also must be acknowledged that the causes of juvenile crime are not only the influence of their parents but also an array of external factors. Nowadays, children are easily exposed to toxic content on the Internet or toxic friends at school, which can lead youngsters to a circle of wrongdoings. For example, frequent exposure to violent movies might form a habit for children to use violence to solve problems and jeopardize other people[7] . Additionally, parents should not receive punishments since it is too grave for the crimes which are not the actions they perform and may harbor unwilling resentment.[8]
In conclusion, I assert that punishments should not be ordered[9] on parents for their children’s delinquency.
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Comments- This is a very good essay. The ideas show a strong interpretation of
the question, high-level vocabulary, and varied sentence structures. The
essay structure is well applied and mostly meets the essay requirements. In
your first paragraph, you are missing an example to support your first
argument. Whilst your second paragraph is good, I think your idea could be
more closely connected and focused to the question. |
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Score- 8.0 |
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